What do we need in church….Grace

The past few weeks have been difficult for me. I felt that there had been an injustice done. Now of all places this was happening at church. Not just any church, but my church. I did not take this well!  On Sunday, in the crowd I put on the smile and was polite. I minded my P’s and Q’s just like my Mama taught me. Inside and in private I was screaming “This is NOT happening!”.

I have to admit and apologize that I was swept up in taking the injustice personally. I ranted, my face turned red, my blood pressure when up, my poor husband, mother and friend had to hear all about it. This is a perfect example of me making a MOUNTAIN out of a mole hill!

After the first week I thought I had talked through it and was ok. Then on Sunday a comment was made that through me into a tizzy!

On Wednesday we had a meeting to discuss concerns and to provide solutions. Before the meeting you would think I was preparing for battle. I prayed, I vented, I wrote notes on things I wanted to cover and I went in with a chip on my shoulder. Hopefully it was not to big that anyone would notice.  I arrived to a nice size group. I won’t go into details about the meeting but let me tell you. I didn’t have to yell, or get angry, and apparently we as adults came to some positive solutions. So I left feeling like I needed to eat a HUGE humble pie!

You know what I learned…is that I let Satan play me for the fool I was! I let my emotions control the situation and I relied way to heavily on anger! This has not happened in quite sometime. I thought I had moved on, but apparently I still have some lessons to learn.

One thing I have learned, yet again. The Church is made up of people. It doesn’t matter what church you go to they are all made up of people. Not saints but sinners! We all come with baggage and imperfections. I needed to be reminded that God has given me grace and I need to give it to those around me.

Top News Story: Stupid Mothers

This news story ticked me off! No only is this mother young, but apparently she is doing drugs and drinking. She is only 19! Where are her parents? Isn’t this a great example of not communicating very well with your child.

Mother drives off with baby on the roof

Thank God that the baby was OK. Thank God that the car seat did its job! Thank God for people who pay attention and the cops that did their jobs.

I am not saying that young parents are the problem. However, when you are young I know from experience that your emotions can be a major influence.

It is pretty apparent that this young woman is pretty self absorbed and should have thought twice before becoming a parent.

Food for thought: If a woman is going to become a mother maybe a parenting class should be taken. Young parents and most first time mothers are clueless about the responsibility that it takes to care for a child. Alcohol and drugs have no place in motherhood.

It is interesting to me that there are so many women out there that have no business becoming parents and yet have several. And yet there are so many couples out there that are unable to have children. Which seems fair? Neither. Unfortunately life is not fair, I have learned that as I have gotten older.

But to recap where does this young girl get off putting her child in danger that way?

I hope she gets the full measure of her punishment.

Doesn’t this look like the face of a responsible mother!

Touchy Subjects

Premarital sex is a touchy subject. Especially when you are a Christian, a parent, a wife, and you deal with the youth. I know that many parents wholeheartedly believe in abstinence, I agree it is very important. Growing up in a Christian home it was taught that you waited until you got married before you had sex. Unfortunately, for many parents if sex is a touchy subject, your children will not come to you when they have questions. This lack of communication causes your children to go look for answers elsewhere, or not at all. Being naive is so dangerous for our kids and doesn’t solve any problems.

So, I have a few suggestions to the parents of teenagers, boys and girls alike. I know that my kids are not at that age yet but I have already been asked questions from teens.

 Get over Yourself

I think that parents hate talking about sex because it makes them uncomfortable. Get Over It! You are not going to do anyone any good if you can’t face the fact that your baby is growing up. This is part of being a parent and it is your job to be the go to person. This topic is not about you, but you need to be willing to answer your child’s questions. Take it slow but spell things out.

Be Honest

Please do not use the birds and the bees. You need to use actual body parts by their names such as a vagina or penis. This is not a Johnson or other crude words to describe your body. If you don’t know the answer be honest about that too. We all have horror stories about how our friends, family and even parents told us what sex was. Like “when you eat a watermelon seed it grows a baby in your tummy”. Whatever the story is make sure that it is not absurd. Your children don’t usually understand metaphors and will take you literally. So be careful what you say. If your child approaches you and says they have questions, you may need to take a few moments to compose yourself in what you are going to tell them. Don’t dismiss them or avoid the conversation, it needs to happen! And please don’t leave it to our school system to educate your kids on sex.

Fess up if You made Mistakes

We know we’re not saints! Most of us have made mistakes in one way or another. Don’t try to hide it, you will eventually be found out. When your children learn that you lied to them, then understand that your credibility is shot. So if you made a mistake that’s ok. You don’t have to go into detail; but, don’t think you are going to hide it from your kids. We all want to protect our children from making the same mistakes that we did. Understand that when you can face the fact that you made mistakes, then when your kids do it it’s not quite so hard to forgive them.

Answer questions using medical terminology

Again, use medical terminology that is easy to understand. One suggestion to parents is do your research ahead of time. There are many books and sites out there that can help you talk to your kids about sex.

Tactics

Don’t try to use fear or guilt to try to keep your kids from having sex. I think it is important to educate our kids. What is God’s purpose for sex? What is the importance of sex? What is the importance of finding the right person? What is love? Open communication is so important. Now, I know this is difficult. Our kids treat us like we know nothing and act like they are not listening. Even when they don’t act like they are listening they are. It is your job to educate and talk to them, even if you have to say it a 100 times.

Protection

How do we protect our kids? We arm them. We arm them with knowledge and with the skills to handle life situations. If we treat them like babies then we are setting them up for failure.  When you say the words “No matter what, you can talk to me” it is your actions not your words that will make that statement true. So when crap happens if you tend to get mad first and start yelling I will tell you that your child will not come to you when they really mess up. So be prepared and you may need to start working on your own issues before you deal with your children.

Dating

In each household the matter of dating is different. If you want them to wait I understand that; however, you might want to let your kids have some input. Talk about options such as group dates and having friends over at your house. Just because you tell them NO doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to like someone. If you don’t give them an opportunity to talk, without you judging then, you are just going to be left out of the loop. You are going to make keeping secrets a must. Now doesn’t that seem like a recipe for disaster?

Listen

I know that as parents we have strong feelings and ideas about lots of stuff. Make sure that before you start going off on your soap box, you pause. Listen to what your child has to say. I would recommend that you have a one on one conversation and not do this in public. I would also suggest that you not try to use humor to lighten the mood. Sometimes it can come off really bad. Give your child an opportunity to talk to you about whatever is on their mind and really listen. Each child is different so what worked on one will not necessarily work on the next. As we learned in school “you have two ears and one mouth, so you need to listen twice as hard as you talk”.

 Forgive

When they make mistakes forgive them, and yourself. Our children will make decisions even after we have given them all the tools. I am not saying that I condone premarital sex, but I do realize that everyone makes mistakes and no matter how hurt we are our child is responsible to God for their decisions. We don’t have to understand why but they are still our children and it is our job to love them.

Communicate

Above all, keep the communication alive and flowing between you and your children. Do not be so set in your ways that they can’t come to you. Educate your child not only about sex, pregnancy and STD’s but also about people. Many young people do not fully understand that others will take advantage of their need for approval and love. They do not understand that there are those out there who know all the right things to say just to get them into bed. This is not only for the girls out there but also our boys.  You have to pick your battles but it is so important that we keep arming our kids so they can make good decisions even when we are not there.

Now I know that there are those out there who will disagree with my statements and that is OK. I still look forward to you comments.

The Two V’s

When you begin complaining to someone you may want to think first…

“Am I the Victim or did I Volunteer”?

Many times in life we get stuck in a situation, be it a ticket, or have a hang over, or am pregnant. Why is it that the first thing we do is complain? We feel sorry for ourselves. But ask yourself this…

Were you the one speeding?

Did you go out and drink too much?

Did you have unprotected sex (now I am talking willing not forced)?

We as people need to stop whining and take responsibility for our actions. Yeah you may have screwed up. Own it and move on. There will always be consequences to our actions. To be an adult it means

Your not a kids anymore!

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!

So once again before you complain are you a victim or volunteer?

A Moment In Time

This picture was taken many years ago. A snapshot in time! Two are now gone, two of the couples are no longer together and the youngest is now an adult.  Of the kids above there are more than 10 children between them.

This is family, this is what happens as time goes by. For many years most of us did not even talk. There has been a rift between brother and sister. Division can happen so quickly and last for so long.

Recently, there has been a change. My Grandmother began to die a few months ago. Due to the situation a brother and sister began to reunite. Over many visits and many talks they have been able to see the changes in each other.  Many moments were spent reminiscing of their youth and family members that had been lost. It was wonderful to remember the good times!

Due to the passing of my Grandmother many of the family came together. We have grown up and grown older. Many of us now have families of our own. For another brief moment we came together. We all remembered the good times and had a chance to laugh as well as cry.

Over the last few weeks I have been pondering this situation. What caused the problem in the first place? Was it worth the impact it is has had on the family? No.

We have all admitted that we each share the blame. There is no point in going backwards! Instead, we are working on building our relationships today and for the future. Family is so important! Don’t squander it!

Those that have families often take it for granted that they will always be there. I am learning that this is not the case.  I know that although my Mom has forgiven and was ready to move on I still hung back. I was polite but nothing more. Through the passing of my Grandmother I had the opportunity to spend quality time with family I did not see for years. That was precious time. My entire family enjoyed it! We worked together, played together, and laughed together.

I am so looking forward to spending more time with them and continuing on the journey of reconciliation and forgiveness that is so important in building relationships.

For All Us “Fat” Girls

Get’s your attention doesn’t it! I have lived with body image issues most of my life. I am a big girl! There is no other way to put it.

I struggle with eating too much and not the right things. I also work at a job where I sit on my butt and don’t move enough. Plus when I get home I am mentally exhausted so the thought of doing something else makes me want to cry, then eat and after all that work go take a nap!

In the midst of all those things I have found a husband who loves me for me and not my size! But the thing I still struggle with on a daily basis is loving myself even though I am fat!

My husband sent me an article today “Ten Rules for Fat Girls“! First off I kind of wanted to punch him! But then I went to the link and started to read. I could relate to what she said and I began to actually read some more. Since I want you to look at the link and not just my blog I will only recap the list:

1. You are not obligated to be thin, healthy, or pretty.

2. Don’t talk s@*t about your body.

3. Don’t talk s@*t about other people’s bodies.

4. Wear clothes that fit.

5. Demand better treatment from healthcare professionals.

6. Find a way to move.

7. Stand up for yourself.

8. Deal with your fat.

9. There are worse things in the world than being fat.

10. Don’t expect to feel awesome about yourself every single day forever.

This blog has opened my eyes and made me see. It also made me giggle and say “Hell Ya”!

I will still continue to work on myself and part of that includes moving and eating better. The biggest aspect that will impact me is the mental aspect that I am an amazing person. That’s it! No but, even, what if’s, or should’s.

I strongly believe that most people are unhappy with their bodies in some way. Well, it is time to stop judging ourselves and others and start by liking ourselves first!

So to all my Fat Girls out there “Let’s Rock It”!

Parenting: Parent or Friend?

In the picture above are my three amazing kids. My son has a big heart, big mouth and thinks he is incredibly funny! My daughter in the middle is a drama queen, funny, witty, charmer, and scared of so many things and is the baby.  My daughter on the end is outspoken, a daredevil, tomboy, aspiring chef, and a little darling.

Over the past five years I have been thrown into the deep-end of parenting and have had triumphs and failures. Along the way I have learned to pick my battles, not take things personally, relax and enjoy the ride!

I have the joy of being a parent! This is a blessing that I have waited along time for. Unfortunately I only get to be a part-time parent. This definitely has its struggles. I have had to learn that I do not control what goes on outside of home. This is a very difficult lesson to learn and many parents do not have to experience til much later in the parenting process. I have learned to enjoy the kids when we have them, work to be a good example and instill the kids with skills and knowledge that they will use the rest of their lives. I also have learned that no matter what happens good, bad or other wise  I am there so they can talk to me and we can work to solve problems and find solutions.

One of my statements to the kids and a reminder to myself “I realize that at some point you will hate me. I am ok with that. I will still be therefore you. However, it is not my job to be your friend but be your parent!

What is my job as a parent???

– To teach you skills you will use in life

– To set boundaries

– To make you accountable

– To follow through with consequences when you break the rules

– To listen

– To be an example

– Spend time one on one

– To Love You No Matter What You Do!

My job is not to be your friend.  Kids will have friends that they will tell their secrets to, talk about boys, sex, fashion, and all that other stuff! Gossip, giggle, and cry with.

A friend is there to listen and to encourage. Unfortunately when we are younger we tend to encourage to the point of stupidity. As kids we have a different perspective, and we make mistakes. That’s what you are supposed to do! However, as a parent it is my job to encourage but also be there to help pick up the pieces when friends let them down and their world seems to be in ruble at their feet.

I am constantly learning that parenting has its ups and its downs. But I have to remember that being a friend is like being on a roller coaster ride and being a parent is being stable in the midst of chaos.