Sortafunnylady

My quirky views on life, love and parenthood!

Archive for the tag “humor”

Improve My Lifestyle


I thought I was doing the smart thing by working to get a desk job. Unfortunately my rear does not agree. Have you ever heard of the secretary spread? Well, I’ve got it and it’s not pretty. My doctor has informed me that I live a sedentary lifestyle. What’s that you might say? Well, there are lots of definitions out there but the main one is that I sit too much and I the things I like to do don’t require much movement.

My “sitting disease” has been linked to diabetes, heart disease, and premature death. So I am working on being more active. Now I’m not talking about running a marathon or scaling a mountain but goals are always a good thing. I am going to start with baby steps and work to build up my stamina.

Here are a few suggestions I am working on that I wanted to share:

Get NEAT (thermogenesis): Things that I can do in my seat at work. 10 minutes an hour this can include stretching, turning, and bending. The idea behind this activities is to raise your core temp and to burn calories.

Take Breaks: We all have obligations and activities that monopolize our time. However, taking a break every hour or so and getting up and moving around can be helpful.  Walking around or stretching for a few minutes can help re-energize the body.

If she can do it I can!

TV Watchers: I still enjoy watching TV but instead of just sitting on the couch I try to add time to stretch, use my stationary bike, do resistance exercises, and alternate with other activities that keep my body moving.

Parking: When I go to a store I park farther away. Ever little bit counts.

Going Up: It may take longer but, if you are able use the stairs rather than the elevator when you are in your doctors offices and other buildings you are doing errands in.

Communication: When at work many tend to use email, voice-mail, im, and so many other forms of communication that are preferred for our busy lives. Unfortunately we lose face to face human interaction and many of us just sit on our butts. So, the next time you need to talk to a colleague take a minute and go and talk to them. You get up, you move your body, and you get the opportunity to interact with someone else. The moments add up and make a difference.

Date Night: My husband and I like to go out for date night; however, most of the time it is going out to eat and then coming home and watching a movie or crashing. So we are working on mixing it up. Finding things that are less about food and more about just spending time together and still being active. Some things to try…go to a museum, a park, take a hike, go for a bike ride, or go dancing,  find activities in the community. Many times there is food but you’re not just sitting. Remember date night is about spending quality time with your partner and having fun.

Vacation: What do you like to do on vacation? Go camping, relax on a beach somewhere, or go to a spa? Well, for my family we enjoy camping to which can be pretty active. Other things we like to do is visit family, or go to the big city to see the sights. With a family fun and education is a big part of the draw for us. Do research ahead of time and you can find a ton of things to do no matter where you are headed. By the time your vacation is over you may need to go home just to rest! Now that’s the sign of a great vacation!

You can Do it!

Swimming: I have always enjoyed swimming but, I have not had a membership anywhere for a while. The house we just moved into has a pool, so for the first time in my life I don’t have to go anywhere to go swimming. The pool has been a lot of work but I have so enjoyed getting to go in whenever I feel like it. It’s not huge but the kids and I have had  lots of fun. It gets me in the sun for some needed vitamin D and the water provides a fun workout. Just playing with the kids can wear me out, my favorite time is doing laps when it is quite and I can hear the wind blow and the bird chirp. Swimming is a great way to get my body moving and it has a much lower impact on my joints. So for chubby girls like myself swimming is much more doable than running is. If you can handle getting into a swimsuit then you can do amazing things! Swimming is great for increasing your stamina and improving your cardiovascular system. Look at your local gyms, and community centers many of them have water aerobics and other water activities you can get involved in. Try it and let me know what you think!

New Habits: No matter where I am I am working on making new habits. This may include getting up early to exercise before I go to work. Even doing household chores is not a bad way to start just to get you moving. Taking breaks at work is focused on moving around and not just grabbing something to eat and drink. Being more active is helping me to set a better example for my kids. When I get home we go for a bike ride. Well, they go for a bike ride and I keep up by going walking. It it another way I am getting out of the house and making strides. Increasing your movement and watching what you eat can make a big impact on your life.

I’m not looking to get skinny I just want to be comfortable in my own body and be healthy!

Plus God willing I am baby bound.

Internet Dating…Does it work?


Internet dating? Words that most Mothers hate to hear! At least that was my experience a few years ago. Now, things are changing…at least a little!

We as Americans are way to busy with work, friends, family and fun to even think about dating! Ever notice that from the time we get up in the morning we are running? It doesn’t matter if we are getting ready for work, or meeting friends, or have an excursion planned. The average 20-40 something is in a hurry. By the time we get home we are exhausted but still have chores,  so we do those then fall in bed around 11pm. So who has time to join a club, go to a mixer (what are those), or a bar, to find “the One”? Not many!  If you are one of those few it’s not necessarily a good thing. You may be the one that we don’t want to find lol! By the time many of us consider internet dating we feel rejected, desperate, doubtful, and uncertain.

Before you spend time and money on a dating site figure out what your purpose for dating is and what do you want out of dating? If you just want to check things out and get a feel for it start with a free site.  Click here to view the Top 10 sites!

Make a list of things you are looking for (longterm or short term relationship, friendship, bootycall, travelbuddy, etc.) You will want to get a picture that you can add to your profile on whatever site you use.  Also, there will be an About Me section. This is where you have to write something about yourself, Duh. What do you want to tell others about you? Be descriptive and creative that way you have stuff to talk about on the first date. As a friend of mine states “dating is all about salesmanship”. This is not the time to beat yourself up! What are the positives about yourself and why would someone want to date you. Most importantly BE HONEST!!! Many times internet dating fails when people describe who they want to be (or who you will like) not who they really are! That’s a problem!

Statistics show that 74% of us have tried online dating. So no matter what other people say there is a good chance they have tried it.

Now just like normal dating there are losers out there and people who will take advantage of you, so be careful. You may also have to weed through a lot of  toads before you find your prince charming. The nice thing about online dating is the fact that you don’t have to get dressed up, put makeup on, do your hair or even leave your couch. You can be in your pj’s at 2am at home surfing the site.

Now when I was dating I heard several horror stories. I wasn’t sure if they were just trying to protect or make me a nun? But do you want to hear a positive story? Well if you don’t just stop reading, but if you do I have one for you.

Almost six years ago I was single, had been divorced and not real keen on the man seen. I lived in a rural community by myself, but had moved home to take care of my father who had another heart operation. So in other words I didn’t have many prospects, I was getting older, and I figured I was going to be single for the rest of my life. Unfortunately being home so much I was also board. So what did I do? I joined Yahoo.com match site which is now Match.com. I didn’t know what to say about myself, i wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for but I took the plunge anyway.

Over the next month I went through hundreds of profiles (not all at once lol). I emailed several guys and even talked to  some, and went out on a few dates.  Over that time I also filled out a compatibility profile, the idea was that when I met someone I was compatible with it would let me know. Well, it was the end of the month and I didn’t have many days left on my subscription and I received a wink. It was to let me know someone was interested in my profile and had sent me an email. So I opened it, the email was sweet and cute.  Now, before I responded back I wanted to check the compatibility thingie. Oh no, it said we weren’t a match! Well I figured what the heck I would take a chance anyway! So I emailed him back! We started emailing each other over the next few weeks.  Since this wasn’t my first rodeo I grilled him. I figured I wasn’t playing games anymore and I wanted someone honest….. So what did I do? I sent him about 20 questions that were very difficult and straight forward. For example “Have you ever cheated on someone? If so why? Will you cheat again? Of course if you ask my husband he would say it was about 20 pages of grueling questions! But he answered every one!

Now I would say that our relationship is not typical, but it has always been honest. Our first date was July4th, he asked me to marry him on September 4th, and we were married November 4th.  So to say the least it was a whirlwind. For us it has worked. It has been difficult at times, what relationship isn’t, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. This November we will celebrate our 6th anniversary. I can honestly say I love him more today than I did then the day we got married! Some days I still feel like a newlywed!

Our Engagement Picture

I hope that this little story gave you hope. There is someone out there for you. Don’t give up, keep working on yourself and putting yourself out there.

If you would like more information leave me a comment. I would love to get your input about your internet dating. I look forward to getting your stories about your dating triumphs and failures.

The Two V’s


When you begin complaining to someone you may want to think first…

“Am I the Victim or did I Volunteer”?

Many times in life we get stuck in a situation, be it a ticket, or have a hang over, or am pregnant. Why is it that the first thing we do is complain? We feel sorry for ourselves. But ask yourself this…

Were you the one speeding?

Did you go out and drink too much?

Did you have unprotected sex (now I am talking willing not forced)?

We as people need to stop whining and take responsibility for our actions. Yeah you may have screwed up. Own it and move on. There will always be consequences to our actions. To be an adult it means

Your not a kids anymore!

Your not a kids anymore!

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!

So once again before you complain are you a victim or volunteer?

For All Us “Fat” Girls


Get’s your attention doesn’t it! I have lived with body image issues most of my life. I am a big girl! There is no other way to put it.

I struggle with eating too much and not the right things. I also work at a job where I sit on my butt and don’t move enough. Plus when I get home I am mentally exhausted so the thought of doing something else makes me want to cry, then eat and after all that work go take a nap!

In the midst of all those things I have found a husband who loves me for me and not my size! But the thing I still struggle with on a daily basis is loving myself even though I am fat!

My husband sent me an article today “Ten Rules for Fat Girls“! First off I kind of wanted to punch him! But then I went to the link and started to read. I could relate to what she said and I began to actually read some more. Since I want you to look at the link and not just my blog I will only recap the list:

1. You are not obligated to be thin, healthy, or pretty.

2. Don’t talk s@*t about your body.

3. Don’t talk s@*t about other people’s bodies.

4. Wear clothes that fit.

5. Demand better treatment from healthcare professionals.

6. Find a way to move.

7. Stand up for yourself.

8. Deal with your fat.

9. There are worse things in the world than being fat.

10. Don’t expect to feel awesome about yourself every single day forever.

This blog has opened my eyes and made me see. It also made me giggle and say “Hell Ya”!

I will still continue to work on myself and part of that includes moving and eating better. The biggest aspect that will impact me is the mental aspect that I am an amazing person. That’s it! No but, even, what if’s, or should’s.

I strongly believe that most people are unhappy with their bodies in some way. Well, it is time to stop judging ourselves and others and start by liking ourselves first!

So to all my Fat Girls out there “Let’s Rock It”!

Surviving our Monthly Cycle


Do you ever notice that when it is about that time of the month we change? We start out as the nice, somewhat normal, loving, funny women who are the wives, girlfriends and mothers of those around the world. But as our time approaches each month we turn…. It can be difficult to describe, but imagine a Supervillan, with raging hormones, and can be crying one minute and tear you a new one the next.  We try to hide, we try to down play, but we have to eventually admit we are different from the nice women we try to portray.

We try to play cool! We medicate,meditate, exercise (if we can move) and drown our sorrows in a combination of sweet and salty. Cravings are not our friends during this time and many of us give in (myself included)! So why you are in bed with a heating blanket, and chocolate trying not to give in to the torture churning inside you I will give you a few secrets that I use….

Pain management: If you need medication for your pain use it. It is easier to function if you stay ahead of it than if you wait and try to tough it out. It doesn’t matter if you work outside of the home or if you are a “domestic engineer” we all have lives that go on even when we have pain. For those of you who are on our feet all day and still need the relief of a hot pack there are a few things you can try. Check your local drugstore and health section. There are often times hot packs which you can use and last for 8 to 10 hours.

Exercise: I know that working out is the last thing we want to think about. However, maintaining body movement can reduce your pain and can move along the process. Now I am not talking about trying to over do it. Listen to your body. If you need to take a day off it is ok, just work at exercising the next day.

Stay Hydrated: In general many of us do not drink enough water. We have incorporated caffeinated beverages, soda, and other sugary drinks.  These drinks can actually dehydrate you and make your cycle more uncomfortable. So if you have a beverage in hand try to make it water. Also, when you get in the habit of drinking more water your body will begin to crave it.

Get Sleep: When we are tired our emotions can take a bigger toll on us and we tend to make mountains out of mole hills. So be sure to get enough sleep! Make sure to take steps so that you can get enough rest. This may include going to bed earlier, and turning off the T.V.  You may need to read for a while before you can go to sleep or listen to soothing music to help you fall asleep. For me I have found that I need to wear my CPAP machine and that I am much more rested when I do.  If you are tired and cranky try not to make big decisions. Wait until morning when you head is clearer and you can make a logical decision and not one made solely from emotion.

Cravings: If you have one acknowledge it. But, try to take a small portion and not eat or drink the whole thing. Smaller, snack size portions throughout the day can be helpful. Also, if you want something sweet try dehydrated or fresh fruit to deal with the cravings. If it is a Cinnabon that you are aching for try the mini ones or cut it in quarters so you can have it over the next couple of days.  For some people No is an acceptable solution but not for everyone. Don’t limit yourself to just one thing, check out the types of foods that you like but see how you can make better choices. One way to do this is have a plan and have things prepared when your time comes. It can help when you are in need!

So to our loved ones that deal with us each month I thank you!

But remember the saying…

Courageous


Now I know this isn’t a new movie it was released in February. But it is a movie that I have enjoyed watching several times now. For Christmas my husband received a pre-purchased ticket for the movie. When we picked up the movie a couple of months later we watched it with our youth group. It made me laugh, cry, and think…How am I as a parent?

So over the next couple of months I have been more aware of things and the importance of being a parent. This not only includes my involvement but also the involvement of my husband. To many times as women we want to be in control. We want to fix and mother in our own ways. Through the movie Courageous it reaffirms so much of what the Bible states about being a father.

Although being a Mother is a high honor, we can not discount the importance being a Father has on the foundation and success of our children.

Friday my son came home and he wanted to watch a movie. He happened to pick out Courageous. So him and my husband sat down and watched it.  They also got to talk and have Father/Son time afterwards.

Today my parents came over and we had family time.  We had a BBQ, they played outside, naps were taken, and low and behold my son wanted to watch another movie. So what did he suggest…..Courageous! He stated it was his new favorite movie! Not only does the movie have a message that we all need but it has humor and action that is able to keep the attention of all three of my children from ages 6 to 10.

I have watched several of the movies produced and directed by Alex Kendrick and the same company including FireProof, and Facing the Giants. This by far is my favorite; however, I can honestly say that I have enjoyed the message of each movie they have produced.

I love the fact that we were able to watch a movie with our entire family and not worry about language, content, or provocative material and were still spellbound and in stitches and just as moved as a main stream movie. I am thankful that as the Christian community someone has identified the need and giving something the people desperately need.

Thank you to my family that we had such a wonderful day!

Hometown Heroes: Firefighters


When you say “Hometown Hero” many of us first think about our military personnel who are serving their country through deployment or at home. I can not say “Thank You” enough for the job they do and the sacrifices that they make. I know that the whole family sacrifices in ways that many of us never see. So for your courage, honor and diligence and sacrifice, Thank You!

On a different level I am talking about heroes in our communities. Individuals who willingly raise their hands and say “pick me” to help those in our community.  They may just look like one of us out of uniform but they make sacrifices for us as well. Over the next several weeks I want to take the time to recognize and highlight our hometown heroes!

The first set of hometown heroes I would like to recognize are our firefighters. Now, I am not a firefighter. So if a building is burning, I will be running outside and calling for help! Hopefully with clothes on!! Unlike me, first responders (Firefighters, Cops, EMT’s, etc.) come running when chaos ensues. This may be in the form of your house on fire, a car accident or so many other calls they receive. No matter when tragedy happens they’re ready! This means that they are available and come to our rescue 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year!

Now, how do I know this? Well, first  I have been in a car accident, and second my husband happens to be a firefighter.  So on a personal note I have had the privilege of having them rescue me! I can tell you first hand that (in general,we all have our bad days) they are positive, patient and funny people! They see us at our worst… smeared makeup, crying, in pain, embarrassed, drunk, high, naked, and everything in between!

As the wife of a firefighter I can also tell you that they make sacrifices. They may be hungry, thirst, tired, or sore but they will be there!  If there is a fire they don’t just put it out, they also stay there for hours, making sure there are no hotspots, and they also do a lot of  cleanup. It may be someone’s birthday, or a holiday, or date night, if they are needed they respond! As a first responder plans can be difficult to make because things can change in a moment.  If you are a wife, girlfriend, parent, or their child there are sacrifices that are made as well. You are forgiving, patient, supportive, understanding and resilient.  Some people ask “Why do you do it”? For those anal planners out there it may not make any sense. For othes it makes perfect sense! Over the years I have asked my husband that very same question and his response has been “…because it is so rewarding”! He gets to help people at their worst moments and gets to help them, even if it’sjust for a short time.

So how much do we really know about our firefighters?

In the United States in each state; more specifically our counties, cities and towns we have firefighters. In big cities such as New York City, Denver, Seattle, and Miami, firefighters have a large community presence and are paid. However; in smaller communities we also have firefighters but they serve the entire county not just our town. For example our local fire district is run by the county and they provide service for an area that is 330 square miles. Not only do these departments cover large areas many times whole departments are volunteers. This means that depending on the area, firefighters may receive a small stipend (a few hundred dollars a year) or a small amount per shift (much less than minimum wage). According to the National Volunteer Fire Council  there are about one million firefighters working each year and 73% of those are volunteers.  So how many of us would be willing to give our time, and ourselves to a stressful job, with long hours, and not much pay?

So the next time you start rambling on about how firefighters get paid to sit on their rump think about it… They are willing to risk their life for yours 24/7/365!

Are you willing to make that sacrifice? 

So, if I haven’t already stated this I am very thankful for firefighters and their families! I am proud to be the wife of a firefighter, and a friend of many firefighters both paid and volunteers alike!For without them the next time I have an emergency who would I call, Ghostbusters? I don’t think so!

Be sure you don’t forget to say thank you and let them know you appreciate each and every one of them! If you are really brave and think you can do it…talk to your local fire district and see if they take volunteers and how to apply! I DARE YOU!

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Lifestyle Changes for the Chubby


Well hello to all my exercise deprived friends. Oh, sorry I am probably just talking about me! Each year around new years I have all these grand plans to exercise and lose weight. I have tried a variety of things but, something always happens…I get busy! I somehow manage to find something else I would rather do! Even housework is better than sitting my chubby buns on top of that small uncomfortable stationary bike seat.  So here it is, the middle of May and life has gotten the best of me once again and I am heavier not lighter than I would like.

Unfortunately I am running out of excuses! My pants are tight, I feel uncomfortable and I know I just look absolutely stunning with my jello jiggler rolls lol. So I am working on a new plan of attack.

Go old school…Watch what I eat and work out 3 to 5 times a week. How hard can it be? Like an elephant trying to dance on a tight rope! So how do I put this into practice? I figure I will start small and go from there. I plan on reducing how often I eat out (Wendy’s and McDonald’s I will miss you!), portion control, and increase exercise.

I know there are lots of diets out there, but I don’t want a quick fix I need to start making better lifestyle choices. Choices that will impact me for the rest of my life. Hopefully that will be a looong time from now!

So why do I need to exercise? Well according to an article by Mayo Clinic there are seven great reasons to regular physical activity. To sum up control weight, preventative care, improve your mood, increase energy, better sleep, and who doesn’t want a better sex life!  I know there are tons of reasons out there so for me I am looking at decreasing my chances of diseases and I am always interested in improving my sex life! Have you found a reason to exercise today?

To help keep me honest I need an accountability partner. I recommend getting your friends and family involved because that can motivate you to do more and stick with it. To increase your chances I would also recommend a free website which you can enter your information into including eating and exercise. Many websites also have mobile apps which are helpful because you can keep them with you are you go about your busy day.

This is a daunting task but I know I need it and hopefully my journey will inspire you to make changes in your own life.

Manners…Are they a dying art?


I understand that we live in a technology driven age; however, does that mean that Excuse me, Please, and Thank You have become null and void?

I think not. If anything they are more important! They can set you apart from others  too busy to say anything with their ear clued to their cell phone, talking to the air or texting. Some act as though it is us, the public, that has so rudely interrupted them and not the other way around.  We have to remember to not only live with friends and business contacts in the virtual world but also to live with the live versions, right in front of you.

So now that I am off my soap box about manners in the world let’s talk about manners with our kids and in our homes. Which translates to the manners we will use in public.

Do you have rules regarding manners in your home or do you leave that to our wonderful educational system like sex education? I know that my kids pick things up that I do not like such as dance moves, fashion advice, snotty noses, and lice. Do we really want to leave manners up to the outside world as well? So, it is our job as parents to set the standard, teach them and reward them for using their  manners.

Begin with picking out  few manners to focus on maybe please, thank you and excuse me. Or other items that irritate you to no end like putting the toilet seat down, shutting the bathroom door when you go to the bathroom or not picking your nose. Explain it to your kids, be an example to them, remind them, and reward them when they do use their manners!

My second step was setting the standard in my house and getting my husband on board as well. I have found that when I say Please and Thank You my kids pick up on it, it encourages them to use them as well. Before I enter their room I try to remember to  knock. These are little things that can demonstrate the importance of manners. This can also show your children how important they are to you. Manners are more likely to be used when you use them in your own daily life.  For example to all you Dad’s out there (Mom’s to) when you are in your sweatpants on a Saturday morning watching football and lazing around… Do you scratch your balls (ladies I know you don’t), or let one rip? If so do you even say excuse me or laugh and look for an atta boy?

If we are not being examples by using manners then we are instead demonstrating to our kids that manners are not important and how we treat each other is not important either. What kind of example are you? I know I fail but I pick myself backup and apologize and try again. Don’t forget to reward for manners used.

You don’t have to give them something like candy or a prize! Use positive reinforcement. Say “Good job son, I love hearing when you use good manners”. or “I’m impressed that you have started blowing your nose in the bathroom and not been picking it and wiping it on your clothes”.

I will say that manners like anything else takes time to ingrain on the brain. Don’t stop, have patience (I know that is difficult), and above all keep working on new manners and expand your arsenal of etiquette.

I would love to have you share what  your struggles, suggestions and questions are…

I look forward to reading your comments below.

Parenting: Parent or Friend?


In the picture above are my three amazing kids. My son has a big heart, big mouth and thinks he is incredibly funny! My daughter in the middle is a drama queen, funny, witty, charmer, and scared of so many things and is the baby.  My daughter on the end is outspoken, a daredevil, tomboy, aspiring chef, and a little darling.

Over the past five years I have been thrown into the deep-end of parenting and have had triumphs and failures. Along the way I have learned to pick my battles, not take things personally, relax and enjoy the ride!

I have the joy of being a parent! This is a blessing that I have waited along time for. Unfortunately I only get to be a part-time parent. This definitely has its struggles. I have had to learn that I do not control what goes on outside of home. This is a very difficult lesson to learn and many parents do not have to experience til much later in the parenting process. I have learned to enjoy the kids when we have them, work to be a good example and instill the kids with skills and knowledge that they will use the rest of their lives. I also have learned that no matter what happens good, bad or other wise  I am there so they can talk to me and we can work to solve problems and find solutions.

One of my statements to the kids and a reminder to myself “I realize that at some point you will hate me. I am ok with that. I will still be therefore you. However, it is not my job to be your friend but be your parent!

What is my job as a parent???

– To teach you skills you will use in life

– To set boundaries

– To make you accountable

– To follow through with consequences when you break the rules

– To listen

– To be an example

– Spend time one on one

– To Love You No Matter What You Do!

My job is not to be your friend.  Kids will have friends that they will tell their secrets to, talk about boys, sex, fashion, and all that other stuff! Gossip, giggle, and cry with.

A friend is there to listen and to encourage. Unfortunately when we are younger we tend to encourage to the point of stupidity. As kids we have a different perspective, and we make mistakes. That’s what you are supposed to do! However, as a parent it is my job to encourage but also be there to help pick up the pieces when friends let them down and their world seems to be in ruble at their feet.

I am constantly learning that parenting has its ups and its downs. But I have to remember that being a friend is like being on a roller coaster ride and being a parent is being stable in the midst of chaos.

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