Sortafunnylady

My quirky views on life, love and parenthood!

Archive for the tag “accountability”

Touchy Subjects


Premarital sex is a touchy subject. Especially when you are a Christian, a parent, a wife, and you deal with the youth. I know that many parents wholeheartedly believe in abstinence, I agree it is very important. Growing up in a Christian home it was taught that you waited until you got married before you had sex. Unfortunately, for many parents if sex is a touchy subject, your children will not come to you when they have questions. This lack of communication causes your children to go look for answers elsewhere, or not at all. Being naive is so dangerous for our kids and doesn’t solve any problems.

So, I have a few suggestions to the parents of teenagers, boys and girls alike. I know that my kids are not at that age yet but I have already been asked questions from teens.

 Get over Yourself

I think that parents hate talking about sex because it makes them uncomfortable. Get Over It! You are not going to do anyone any good if you can’t face the fact that your baby is growing up. This is part of being a parent and it is your job to be the go to person. This topic is not about you, but you need to be willing to answer your child’s questions. Take it slow but spell things out.

Be Honest

Please do not use the birds and the bees. You need to use actual body parts by their names such as a vagina or penis. This is not a Johnson or other crude words to describe your body. If you don’t know the answer be honest about that too. We all have horror stories about how our friends, family and even parents told us what sex was. Like “when you eat a watermelon seed it grows a baby in your tummy”. Whatever the story is make sure that it is not absurd. Your children don’t usually understand metaphors and will take you literally. So be careful what you say. If your child approaches you and says they have questions, you may need to take a few moments to compose yourself in what you are going to tell them. Don’t dismiss them or avoid the conversation, it needs to happen! And please don’t leave it to our school system to educate your kids on sex.

Fess up if You made Mistakes

We know we’re not saints! Most of us have made mistakes in one way or another. Don’t try to hide it, you will eventually be found out. When your children learn that you lied to them, then understand that your credibility is shot. So if you made a mistake that’s ok. You don’t have to go into detail; but, don’t think you are going to hide it from your kids. We all want to protect our children from making the same mistakes that we did. Understand that when you can face the fact that you made mistakes, then when your kids do it it’s not quite so hard to forgive them.

Answer questions using medical terminology

Again, use medical terminology that is easy to understand. One suggestion to parents is do your research ahead of time. There are many books and sites out there that can help you talk to your kids about sex.

Tactics

Don’t try to use fear or guilt to try to keep your kids from having sex. I think it is important to educate our kids. What is God’s purpose for sex? What is the importance of sex? What is the importance of finding the right person? What is love? Open communication is so important. Now, I know this is difficult. Our kids treat us like we know nothing and act like they are not listening. Even when they don’t act like they are listening they are. It is your job to educate and talk to them, even if you have to say it a 100 times.

Protection

How do we protect our kids? We arm them. We arm them with knowledge and with the skills to handle life situations. If we treat them like babies then we are setting them up for failure.  When you say the words “No matter what, you can talk to me” it is your actions not your words that will make that statement true. So when crap happens if you tend to get mad first and start yelling I will tell you that your child will not come to you when they really mess up. So be prepared and you may need to start working on your own issues before you deal with your children.

Dating

In each household the matter of dating is different. If you want them to wait I understand that; however, you might want to let your kids have some input. Talk about options such as group dates and having friends over at your house. Just because you tell them NO doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to like someone. If you don’t give them an opportunity to talk, without you judging then, you are just going to be left out of the loop. You are going to make keeping secrets a must. Now doesn’t that seem like a recipe for disaster?

Listen

I know that as parents we have strong feelings and ideas about lots of stuff. Make sure that before you start going off on your soap box, you pause. Listen to what your child has to say. I would recommend that you have a one on one conversation and not do this in public. I would also suggest that you not try to use humor to lighten the mood. Sometimes it can come off really bad. Give your child an opportunity to talk to you about whatever is on their mind and really listen. Each child is different so what worked on one will not necessarily work on the next. As we learned in school “you have two ears and one mouth, so you need to listen twice as hard as you talk”.

 Forgive

When they make mistakes forgive them, and yourself. Our children will make decisions even after we have given them all the tools. I am not saying that I condone premarital sex, but I do realize that everyone makes mistakes and no matter how hurt we are our child is responsible to God for their decisions. We don’t have to understand why but they are still our children and it is our job to love them.

Communicate

Above all, keep the communication alive and flowing between you and your children. Do not be so set in your ways that they can’t come to you. Educate your child not only about sex, pregnancy and STD’s but also about people. Many young people do not fully understand that others will take advantage of their need for approval and love. They do not understand that there are those out there who know all the right things to say just to get them into bed. This is not only for the girls out there but also our boys.  You have to pick your battles but it is so important that we keep arming our kids so they can make good decisions even when we are not there.

Now I know that there are those out there who will disagree with my statements and that is OK. I still look forward to you comments.

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The Two V’s


When you begin complaining to someone you may want to think first…

“Am I the Victim or did I Volunteer”?

Many times in life we get stuck in a situation, be it a ticket, or have a hang over, or am pregnant. Why is it that the first thing we do is complain? We feel sorry for ourselves. But ask yourself this…

Were you the one speeding?

Did you go out and drink too much?

Did you have unprotected sex (now I am talking willing not forced)?

We as people need to stop whining and take responsibility for our actions. Yeah you may have screwed up. Own it and move on. There will always be consequences to our actions. To be an adult it means

Your not a kids anymore!

Your not a kids anymore!

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!

So once again before you complain are you a victim or volunteer?

Courageous


Now I know this isn’t a new movie it was released in February. But it is a movie that I have enjoyed watching several times now. For Christmas my husband received a pre-purchased ticket for the movie. When we picked up the movie a couple of months later we watched it with our youth group. It made me laugh, cry, and think…How am I as a parent?

So over the next couple of months I have been more aware of things and the importance of being a parent. This not only includes my involvement but also the involvement of my husband. To many times as women we want to be in control. We want to fix and mother in our own ways. Through the movie Courageous it reaffirms so much of what the Bible states about being a father.

Although being a Mother is a high honor, we can not discount the importance being a Father has on the foundation and success of our children.

Friday my son came home and he wanted to watch a movie. He happened to pick out Courageous. So him and my husband sat down and watched it.  They also got to talk and have Father/Son time afterwards.

Today my parents came over and we had family time.  We had a BBQ, they played outside, naps were taken, and low and behold my son wanted to watch another movie. So what did he suggest…..Courageous! He stated it was his new favorite movie! Not only does the movie have a message that we all need but it has humor and action that is able to keep the attention of all three of my children from ages 6 to 10.

I have watched several of the movies produced and directed by Alex Kendrick and the same company including FireProof, and Facing the Giants. This by far is my favorite; however, I can honestly say that I have enjoyed the message of each movie they have produced.

I love the fact that we were able to watch a movie with our entire family and not worry about language, content, or provocative material and were still spellbound and in stitches and just as moved as a main stream movie. I am thankful that as the Christian community someone has identified the need and giving something the people desperately need.

Thank you to my family that we had such a wonderful day!

Lifestyle Changes for the Chubby


Well hello to all my exercise deprived friends. Oh, sorry I am probably just talking about me! Each year around new years I have all these grand plans to exercise and lose weight. I have tried a variety of things but, something always happens…I get busy! I somehow manage to find something else I would rather do! Even housework is better than sitting my chubby buns on top of that small uncomfortable stationary bike seat.  So here it is, the middle of May and life has gotten the best of me once again and I am heavier not lighter than I would like.

Unfortunately I am running out of excuses! My pants are tight, I feel uncomfortable and I know I just look absolutely stunning with my jello jiggler rolls lol. So I am working on a new plan of attack.

Go old school…Watch what I eat and work out 3 to 5 times a week. How hard can it be? Like an elephant trying to dance on a tight rope! So how do I put this into practice? I figure I will start small and go from there. I plan on reducing how often I eat out (Wendy’s and McDonald’s I will miss you!), portion control, and increase exercise.

I know there are lots of diets out there, but I don’t want a quick fix I need to start making better lifestyle choices. Choices that will impact me for the rest of my life. Hopefully that will be a looong time from now!

So why do I need to exercise? Well according to an article by Mayo Clinic there are seven great reasons to regular physical activity. To sum up control weight, preventative care, improve your mood, increase energy, better sleep, and who doesn’t want a better sex life!  I know there are tons of reasons out there so for me I am looking at decreasing my chances of diseases and I am always interested in improving my sex life! Have you found a reason to exercise today?

To help keep me honest I need an accountability partner. I recommend getting your friends and family involved because that can motivate you to do more and stick with it. To increase your chances I would also recommend a free website which you can enter your information into including eating and exercise. Many websites also have mobile apps which are helpful because you can keep them with you are you go about your busy day.

This is a daunting task but I know I need it and hopefully my journey will inspire you to make changes in your own life.

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