Sortafunnylady

My quirky views on life, love and parenthood!

Archive for the tag “marriage”

Touchy Subjects


Premarital sex is a touchy subject. Especially when you are a Christian, a parent, a wife, and you deal with the youth. I know that many parents wholeheartedly believe in abstinence, I agree it is very important. Growing up in a Christian home it was taught that you waited until you got married before you had sex. Unfortunately, for many parents if sex is a touchy subject, your children will not come to you when they have questions. This lack of communication causes your children to go look for answers elsewhere, or not at all. Being naive is so dangerous for our kids and doesn’t solve any problems.

So, I have a few suggestions to the parents of teenagers, boys and girls alike. I know that my kids are not at that age yet but I have already been asked questions from teens.

 Get over Yourself

I think that parents hate talking about sex because it makes them uncomfortable. Get Over It! You are not going to do anyone any good if you can’t face the fact that your baby is growing up. This is part of being a parent and it is your job to be the go to person. This topic is not about you, but you need to be willing to answer your child’s questions. Take it slow but spell things out.

Be Honest

Please do not use the birds and the bees. You need to use actual body parts by their names such as a vagina or penis. This is not a Johnson or other crude words to describe your body. If you don’t know the answer be honest about that too. We all have horror stories about how our friends, family and even parents told us what sex was. Like “when you eat a watermelon seed it grows a baby in your tummy”. Whatever the story is make sure that it is not absurd. Your children don’t usually understand metaphors and will take you literally. So be careful what you say. If your child approaches you and says they have questions, you may need to take a few moments to compose yourself in what you are going to tell them. Don’t dismiss them or avoid the conversation, it needs to happen! And please don’t leave it to our school system to educate your kids on sex.

Fess up if You made Mistakes

We know we’re not saints! Most of us have made mistakes in one way or another. Don’t try to hide it, you will eventually be found out. When your children learn that you lied to them, then understand that your credibility is shot. So if you made a mistake that’s ok. You don’t have to go into detail; but, don’t think you are going to hide it from your kids. We all want to protect our children from making the same mistakes that we did. Understand that when you can face the fact that you made mistakes, then when your kids do it it’s not quite so hard to forgive them.

Answer questions using medical terminology

Again, use medical terminology that is easy to understand. One suggestion to parents is do your research ahead of time. There are many books and sites out there that can help you talk to your kids about sex.

Tactics

Don’t try to use fear or guilt to try to keep your kids from having sex. I think it is important to educate our kids. What is God’s purpose for sex? What is the importance of sex? What is the importance of finding the right person? What is love? Open communication is so important. Now, I know this is difficult. Our kids treat us like we know nothing and act like they are not listening. Even when they don’t act like they are listening they are. It is your job to educate and talk to them, even if you have to say it a 100 times.

Protection

How do we protect our kids? We arm them. We arm them with knowledge and with the skills to handle life situations. If we treat them like babies then we are setting them up for failure.  When you say the words “No matter what, you can talk to me” it is your actions not your words that will make that statement true. So when crap happens if you tend to get mad first and start yelling I will tell you that your child will not come to you when they really mess up. So be prepared and you may need to start working on your own issues before you deal with your children.

Dating

In each household the matter of dating is different. If you want them to wait I understand that; however, you might want to let your kids have some input. Talk about options such as group dates and having friends over at your house. Just because you tell them NO doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to like someone. If you don’t give them an opportunity to talk, without you judging then, you are just going to be left out of the loop. You are going to make keeping secrets a must. Now doesn’t that seem like a recipe for disaster?

Listen

I know that as parents we have strong feelings and ideas about lots of stuff. Make sure that before you start going off on your soap box, you pause. Listen to what your child has to say. I would recommend that you have a one on one conversation and not do this in public. I would also suggest that you not try to use humor to lighten the mood. Sometimes it can come off really bad. Give your child an opportunity to talk to you about whatever is on their mind and really listen. Each child is different so what worked on one will not necessarily work on the next. As we learned in school “you have two ears and one mouth, so you need to listen twice as hard as you talk”.

 Forgive

When they make mistakes forgive them, and yourself. Our children will make decisions even after we have given them all the tools. I am not saying that I condone premarital sex, but I do realize that everyone makes mistakes and no matter how hurt we are our child is responsible to God for their decisions. We don’t have to understand why but they are still our children and it is our job to love them.

Communicate

Above all, keep the communication alive and flowing between you and your children. Do not be so set in your ways that they can’t come to you. Educate your child not only about sex, pregnancy and STD’s but also about people. Many young people do not fully understand that others will take advantage of their need for approval and love. They do not understand that there are those out there who know all the right things to say just to get them into bed. This is not only for the girls out there but also our boys.  You have to pick your battles but it is so important that we keep arming our kids so they can make good decisions even when we are not there.

Now I know that there are those out there who will disagree with my statements and that is OK. I still look forward to you comments.

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Internet Dating…Does it work?


Internet dating? Words that most Mothers hate to hear! At least that was my experience a few years ago. Now, things are changing…at least a little!

We as Americans are way to busy with work, friends, family and fun to even think about dating! Ever notice that from the time we get up in the morning we are running? It doesn’t matter if we are getting ready for work, or meeting friends, or have an excursion planned. The average 20-40 something is in a hurry. By the time we get home we are exhausted but still have chores,  so we do those then fall in bed around 11pm. So who has time to join a club, go to a mixer (what are those), or a bar, to find “the One”? Not many!  If you are one of those few it’s not necessarily a good thing. You may be the one that we don’t want to find lol! By the time many of us consider internet dating we feel rejected, desperate, doubtful, and uncertain.

Before you spend time and money on a dating site figure out what your purpose for dating is and what do you want out of dating? If you just want to check things out and get a feel for it start with a free site.  Click here to view the Top 10 sites!

Make a list of things you are looking for (longterm or short term relationship, friendship, bootycall, travelbuddy, etc.) You will want to get a picture that you can add to your profile on whatever site you use.  Also, there will be an About Me section. This is where you have to write something about yourself, Duh. What do you want to tell others about you? Be descriptive and creative that way you have stuff to talk about on the first date. As a friend of mine states “dating is all about salesmanship”. This is not the time to beat yourself up! What are the positives about yourself and why would someone want to date you. Most importantly BE HONEST!!! Many times internet dating fails when people describe who they want to be (or who you will like) not who they really are! That’s a problem!

Statistics show that 74% of us have tried online dating. So no matter what other people say there is a good chance they have tried it.

Now just like normal dating there are losers out there and people who will take advantage of you, so be careful. You may also have to weed through a lot of  toads before you find your prince charming. The nice thing about online dating is the fact that you don’t have to get dressed up, put makeup on, do your hair or even leave your couch. You can be in your pj’s at 2am at home surfing the site.

Now when I was dating I heard several horror stories. I wasn’t sure if they were just trying to protect or make me a nun? But do you want to hear a positive story? Well if you don’t just stop reading, but if you do I have one for you.

Almost six years ago I was single, had been divorced and not real keen on the man seen. I lived in a rural community by myself, but had moved home to take care of my father who had another heart operation. So in other words I didn’t have many prospects, I was getting older, and I figured I was going to be single for the rest of my life. Unfortunately being home so much I was also board. So what did I do? I joined Yahoo.com match site which is now Match.com. I didn’t know what to say about myself, i wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for but I took the plunge anyway.

Over the next month I went through hundreds of profiles (not all at once lol). I emailed several guys and even talked to  some, and went out on a few dates.  Over that time I also filled out a compatibility profile, the idea was that when I met someone I was compatible with it would let me know. Well, it was the end of the month and I didn’t have many days left on my subscription and I received a wink. It was to let me know someone was interested in my profile and had sent me an email. So I opened it, the email was sweet and cute.  Now, before I responded back I wanted to check the compatibility thingie. Oh no, it said we weren’t a match! Well I figured what the heck I would take a chance anyway! So I emailed him back! We started emailing each other over the next few weeks.  Since this wasn’t my first rodeo I grilled him. I figured I wasn’t playing games anymore and I wanted someone honest….. So what did I do? I sent him about 20 questions that were very difficult and straight forward. For example “Have you ever cheated on someone? If so why? Will you cheat again? Of course if you ask my husband he would say it was about 20 pages of grueling questions! But he answered every one!

Now I would say that our relationship is not typical, but it has always been honest. Our first date was July4th, he asked me to marry him on September 4th, and we were married November 4th.  So to say the least it was a whirlwind. For us it has worked. It has been difficult at times, what relationship isn’t, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. This November we will celebrate our 6th anniversary. I can honestly say I love him more today than I did then the day we got married! Some days I still feel like a newlywed!

Our Engagement Picture

I hope that this little story gave you hope. There is someone out there for you. Don’t give up, keep working on yourself and putting yourself out there.

If you would like more information leave me a comment. I would love to get your input about your internet dating. I look forward to getting your stories about your dating triumphs and failures.

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