Do you want a baby so bad it hurts? I have wanted children for many years now. When I was young they told me I had endometriosis, then in my late teens and throughout my twenties I had three ovarian cysts that burst. So over the years I have done research and what I gathered from doctors and journals and articles is that these problems can make me infertile.
In 2006 I was given a miracle. I met and married my husband who came with three children. So even though I didn’t bear them I have had the opportunity to be a mother. Over the last six years I have learned many things. Now our youngest is 6 and is just finishing up kindergarten. Some days I swear she is 6 going on 16 but we deal with things as they come.
Recently I had to get a new OBGYN since mine had retired. My first visit was rather scary, I had found a lump in my breast. But after tests, and a biopsy they found that it was a fibroadenoma and not cancer. Now while I saw my new doctor I stated that I had previously been told that I could not get pregnant. She looked and me and said “…I don’t know about that, let’s talk, I deal with infertility regularly. So as the stress has subsided I have began thinking, it is possible that I could get pregnant? Is there hope? I had long been resigned to the fact that I would have no children of my own. Now don’t get me wrong I love the children that I have, and wouldn’t trade them for the world. But, I would like to add to our family.
So now I have become a little crazed at the idea of getting pregnant. So I went and talked to my regular doctor and made sure that there wasn’t anything I was taking that would hurt the baby.
Now the moment of truth came Monday I saw my OBGYN again. This time to specifically talk about getting pregnant! I’m so nervous I can’t even breath, oh that’s helpful! So she came in and we talked about my history and my husbands history. So now that the meeting is over I have lots of homework and I have to see her again in a couple months. So this is a first for me, but now each morning before I get out of bed I have to take my temperature, and then log it. Plus I have to go get one of those ovulation kits to see when I am ovulating. Did you know that there is like a two day window a month you can even get pregnant? Plus I have to send my husband in so he can have a semen analysis done. Oh, he is thrilled lol.
The hardest thing for me to hear was that because of my size I would be considered a high risk pregnancy. So her first recommendation to me is to loose about 100 pounds. At that point I will just be obese not morbidly obese. Wow, I put on a brave face and said “OK, I can do that”. Then I walked out of the office in a bit of a daze. I was supposed to talk to my husband after the appointment but I couldn’t. I had to think through this first. My first thought was oh great I have failed again. But as I took a moment and prayed I began to get alittle perspective. I am 34, I am able to move around and work and I can do this! Of course what do emotional eaters do when they are stressed and depressed and feel all alone. They eat! So I ate! Not my finest moment!
Last night as I waited for my husband to get home I made dinner. I made chicken divan, one of my favorite dishes. Lol, not the lowest calorie meal I could come up with. More like comfort food in a bowl.
At last my husband came home exhausted, hungry and not real talkative. So after a kiss and how was your day…I began to talk about my meeting with the doctor. My recap to him was ” I have lots of homework but I have to loose weight, right now I am a really high risk”. Now my husband who loves me no matter the size I am pauses and says “yeah, it probably is safer for you and the baby is you lost some weight”. I think at that moment I cringed a little inside. I knew he was right and I have been battling that all day, but if I want to do this I am going to have to push myself. So this is a test…how badly do I want a baby? Now the best thing about my conversation with my husband last night is that he agreed to loose weight with me. You are so much better with a support system than by yourself.
Now last night I felt sorry for myself and I ate to much and I pouted. But this morning it has been a different story. I woke up early, I stretched, I did twists and light movements this morning. Even though it was only for 20 minutes it is a start. This evening when I get home I will also get my buns on my stationary bike and ride. My plan is to exercise each day. It will take me awhile but I will reach my goal. My family has always said I can accomplish anything because I am so pig headed lol.
My second struggle is my eating habits. I love food and I have the ability to consume alot. So I am working at documenting my food and exercise at a site I enjoy. If you want to join and be my partner in loosing weight look me up username “asan4rd”. I figure we can all use the company and encouragement.
Now I know there are many who suffer from infertility but there is hope. If you have been like me and just let nature takes it course it may be time to find out more. Check with your OBGYN and ask what you can do to try and get pregnant. If your doctor feels that you are healthy enough for pregnancy you may want to find out more. It is important that we take care of ourselves first. Get on a prenatal vitamin, exercise regularly and above all else don’t forget to practice!
As I continue on my journey I will happily share my ups, downs, failures and struggles!